Thursday, November 3, 2016

How are you doing? How are you feeling?

There is nothing like a major life upheaval to teach you the difference between, "How are you doing?" and "How are you feeling?" Even well over a year after my divorce, I am still in touch with the many mixed and complex feelings of it all.

Today, that gulf seems especially wide. I bought a new car yesterday; the old car, sitting, ready to sell. My old car. We brought it to carry my daughter's classical bass. It did not hurt that it was easy to lift my now-ex wife's into wheelchair the back. Painful, painful times. Happy, happy times. Sigh.

Today, I am doing well. I woke up and had a great hour long writing session. I had wonderful chats with a few coaching clients. For the first time in my life, I bought a new car! I am doing well.

But today, I am also filled with grief, loss and sadness.  Letting go of that car triggered a lot for me. Painful, painful memories. Years of dreams that were lost.

Of course, over time, my new car will come to signify hope. New adventures. New dreams. My feelings will be more in line with how I am doing. What is called for on days like this is hope, trust, and patience. I will sit in my chair, dogs in lap, and have a good cry. I will let go a bit.

Tomorrow I will drive to a Punk rock show in Seattle. I will have a scotch at a cool bar beforehand. I will laugh. I may also cry again.

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